What if Matt was a:
by The Awesome Cool PeopleTM
Summary: Hacker! Which he is... - A series of oneshots, each set in a different time/universe/etc, all depicting snapshots of Matt's life with varying occupations. No pairings, unless you bash your head and squint. Rated for Mello. Crack? 8D -xD w/goggles-
1. Director

Hello, and welcome to our story! Sazzy here, writing the first chapter~  
...If you didn't know, this account is the shared, co-authored account of Sazzy (**Sazerac**) and CC (**Crimson Cupcake**).

Inspired by how underdeveloped Matt is in canon and the many(ish) variations in the fandom. Here, we're aiming for 100 oneshots, so let's do this! 8D

**Disclaimer for the entire story: Sadly, neither Saz nor CC are cool enough to own Death Note. T_T How we wish.**

Now, what if Matt was a...

* * *

**1. Director  
[AU, new universe.]**

_by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

It was a long, long time ago when everything was running smoothly.

"Misa-Misa doesn't want to do this scene!"

Her manager blinked. "But Misa—"

"No! Misa-Misa wants her Light to touch her, not that idiot pervert!"

Of course, this caught their youngest actor's attention.

"Hey, Mello." Near drawled, throwing his plastic Frisbee around the building and generally causing chaos. "She just called you an idiot pervert."

Mello ignored him, more interested in catching the intruder that had broken into his not-so-secret stash.

Having long since given up controlling the rabid masses, Matt simply adjusted the position of the goggles on his head and raised his beloved megaphone to his mouth.

"_Attention, crew! Shooting in one minute – positions, now!_"

The pandemonium that followed was good enough to be in any movie anywhere. Makeup artists flew everywhere, prop-masters were doing last-minute checks on set, and the filming crew were directed into their places.

The minute seemed to be up as soon as it had begun and Matt sat in his Director's Chair, waiting for everyone to be quiet and ready. (The chair and the megaphone were actually unnecessary; the studio's intercom was excellent and the chair was just to make him feel cooler.)

Chewing on a piece of gum given that he was indoors and not allowed to smoke, he waved for them to start.

"_Take One!_"

* * *

"Light is _Kira_, isn't he?"

"Misa...how did you find out?"

"Misa knows. Misa can't see Light's lifespan, so Light is the other holder of the _Death Note_ and therefore Misa-Misa's saviour!"

"W-wha—?"

"Don't worry. Misa won't tell anyone, because Misa-Misa will do anything for _Kira_ so she can stay with Light forever!"

"...Of course. Misa, I understand. I—"

Light paused before turning to Matt with a blank look on his face and Misa still half-hanging off him. "Do I really have to kiss her?"

"_Cut, cut!_" The red light on the camera winked out and Matt broke off another bit of a suspiciously familiar chocolate bar in irritation. "Yes."

"He can't," exclaimed Matsuda, Misa's manager. "Misa-Misa's lovable innocence will be gone, then!"

Takada glared in his direction. "Someone like her_ isn't_ innocent anyway." She looked towards Matt, a small blush on her face. "As Light's manager, I say that this scene should continue the way it was in order to keep the true essence of the story."

In turn, Matt looked towards the person beside him. "What do you think, Producer?"

Lawliet shrugged, dropping a few other bars of chocolate onto the floor. "Keep it as it is. There's more conflict this way."

Completely uncaring about the ears three feet near him, Matt was quick to call upon the use of his megaphone at once. "You heard the man – now, _Take Two!_"

* * *

"_Take Three!_"

He regretted leaving his game console at home.

* * *

"_Take Four, people!_"

Lawliet handed him another bar of chocolate. He wondered where the man got them from.

* * *

"_Take–_"

There was a sickening crack as Misa threw a nearby stuffed seagull onto the floor.

"Matsu, Misa-Misa wants to quit!"

Matsuda tried to calm her down. "What—but, haven't you been looking for a chance to work with Light Yagami for years?"

Misa pouted, flapping her arms. Jabbing a finger irritably towards Mello, she somehow stomped in her incredibly scary heels. "_Yes_, but that idiot pervert keeps trying to touch Misa-Misa's butt!"

If the air could become scary, the small gap between the two blondes certainly became so as Mello twitched. "_Idiot pervert? _I'll _show_ you 'idiot pervert'...and I wasn't touching your butt!"

"Of course not," Near added airily, being prepped by the makeup crew for his next scene. "Obviously, you're gay."

"Why you—"

Matt facepalmed.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**A/N:  
**You can tell we don't like to use OCs, do you? Through this, we'll just be using the canon characters as "ordinary people", if that makes any sense...(not that they're normal in the sense of the word anyway)

And ouch, I smell OOC-ness. Ah well, it's AU anyways. (Secretly, I'm hoping that some of these do manage to fit into the canon timeline, but you never know...)

Suggestions? Comments? Critiques? Flames? Cookies? Review~ :3

**Next time: Vet**


	2. Vet

Actually, we lied. We're not doing Voice Actor xD This is CC, bringing you the latest chapter of 'What if Matt was a: _____!' We hope to get in regular updates! :D

We're not doing voice actor because I ran out of ideas for it, so I did vet instead! Praise me (boss) xD There are some slight Bleach references, but it's fine if you don't get it. Added disclaimer on first chapter (because Saz forgot), and that one disclaimer will serve for the entire story. Thank you.

Now, what if Matt was a...

* * *

**2. Vet  
AU, new universe.**

_by Crimson Cupcake (TheAwesomeCoolPeopleTM)_

_

* * *

_The bell tinkled as the door below it was pushed open. The receptionist, who had currently been lying on the table, half-asleep and half-playing with his toys, looked up in interest. It was their first customer all day, and the receptionist hoped that it would be their last, by the looks of the customer.

Said receptionist twirled his white hair, glancing briefly at the blond who had entered the store. Finding him ordinary, the receptionist, who went by the name of Near N. River, turned his attention back to the robots and lego toys he had previously been playing with.

Said blond who had entered the store looking around with a frown. He was holding a cage, an in it an unhappy-looking bunny stared forward, occasionally hopping around the small space.

"Hey," the blond greeted.

Near looked up cynically. "Has your animal come to see the vet?" he asked quietly. Without waiting for an answer, he gestured towards the pen and paper lying on the table. "I'll just take down your name and details."

The customer set the cage down on the table and grabbed a pen, writing in a messy scrawl 'Mello M. Keehl'. It was barely readable, even to Near's sharp eyes, and he couldn't help frowning at the writing when 'Mello' finished.

He took the piece of paper and began to read from it in a monotonous voice. "Your name is Mello Keehl and you are a male of 17 and you live–."

"Yes, yes!" Mello said impatiently. "Now let me see the vet, would ya? Chappy's here for her annual check up."

"You'll have to wait a moment," Near replied boredly, although scowling at being interrupted. "The vet is currently very busy and –."

Twitch. "THERE ARE NO OTHER CUSTOMERS! LET ME SEE THE DAMN VET ALREADY!"

Near frowned. That was the second time he had been interrupted today, an in the period of a minute. He did not like being interrupted. "Right this way," he sighed dejectedly, slipping off his seat and slouching off. Mello grabbed Chappy's cage and followed into a room.

The room was dimly lit and rather strange, Mello thought. For one, it was dark and ominous and had strange _pi-pi, piki-pi_ sounds coming from a corner—oh, wait. On closer inspection, there was a redhead sitting in the corner, pressing a hand-held game console of some kind. He looked up and saw the two people. Mello noticed orange goggles around his eyes and a cigarette between his teeth.

"Yo, customer?" he asked rather unnecessarily, hastily pausing his game. "Name's Matt. Matt Jeevas. And you are...?"

"Mello Keehl," the blond replied, rather stiffly.

"'s nice to meet ya, Mello," Matt grinned. "Thanks, Near, you can go now." With a nod in Near's general direction, the redhead placed his console (now that Mello was closer, he could see that it was a PSP) onto a nearby desk. As Near left, he closed the door, leaving an awkward silence behind.

"So! This is...your rabbit, I presume? Male or female?" Matt asked.

"She's a girl," Mello said stiffly.

"Ahhhhhhhhh." The redhead made a show of straightening his goggles and stroking a non-existent beard. "How old?"

"Three and a half."

"Name?"

"Chappy."

Matt nodded wisely, chewing on his cigarette. "Chappy the rabbit. Cool name. Alrighty. So we'll just get him out of the cage and...Oh, oops!" In his eagerness to see Chappy, he had accidentally ripped the hinge off the door, having attempted to open it from the wrong side. "Ehehe, my bad," he said sheepishly. "But now the cage is open now, isn't it?"

Mello fumed, taking out a bar of chocolate from his pocket. He loved chocolate. It was good for everything: food cravings, chocolate cravings, relieving stress, chocolate cravings, poisoning animals, chocolate cravings, becoming a mafia boss, chocolate cravings, being smart...did he mention chocolate cravings? No? Well, chocolate cravings.

"What happened to Mr. Lawliet, the old vet?" he asked venomously.

Matt shrugged indifferently. "Oh, L? He was always strange if you ask me. One day a kid called Light Yagami walked in and asked to talk to L. The vet was never seen again."

"Doesn't that sound a _lot_ like a murder?" Mello accused.

"Nup," Matt said simply. "The kid didn't level up when he walked out."

"But was he _carrying_ a body when he walked out?"

Matt stared. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "After you die, your body vanishes in three seconds! All you need to do is collect the drops, and killing L would've made ya level up any day."

"But—"

"So anyway, you can leave Chompy here with me and I promise he'll be fine and dandy when you pick him up next week."

Mello bit off a slab of chocolate in annoyance. "Her name's Chappy! She's a girl! And I have to wait a whole week?"

"Yup." Matt straightened his goggles again.

The fuming blond walked out.

* * *

Mello stared in horror at the horrible and horrific sight before him.

He had done exactly as Matt had said, leaving the bunny here, going home to have some hot chocolate, watching some TV before bed, and waiting a whole week before seeing his beloved Chappy again. Although, mind you, Mello did have a large number of pets in his house, and he didn't miss Chappy as much as he thought he would, but he still missed her a bit, and he was pretty pleased that the week was over because heck, he had not had a good week. His boss came and told him that there was a new worker called Light Yagami. The name was awfully familiar, but he couldn't place it. And then there was also the fact that Light Yagami had a black notebook and singlehandedly destroyed—ahem.

...Back to the horrible and horrific sight.

Mello stared in horror at the horrible and horrific sight before him.

Chappy was tap-dancing.

And no, he was _not_ joking or high on chocolate. And he didn't even take drugs.

There his cute little rabbit was, wearing tap-dancing shoes and tapping out a rhythm in tune to the music coming from Matt's PSP. She was dressed in a pink frilly lace dress with a little bow on her head and...leather pants?

...What?

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" Mello screamed in horror, covering his eyes and ears at the same time. Or at least, he tried. "HOW COULD YOU – WHAT PERSON COULD DO SUCH A THING TO AN INNOCENT LITTLE RABBIT? OH MY DEAR CHAPPY!"

Matt, on the other hand, seemed rather pleased with his work. "He's brilliant, eh?" he grinned, pressing buttons furiously on his PSP. "I knew you'd love him."

There was a shocked silence.

Then Mello fainted.

* * *

**Epilogue:**

It should be known that after this chaotic incident, Mello cried for a week and donated Chappy over to a certain Kuchiki Rukia.

* * *

**A/N:**

Meh, crackier than what Saz writes xD All complaints for longer chapters can be put into a review. 8D We'll try and make 1k for each chapter (like this one) but ya know, writing 100 of them is pretty hard work.

We need motivation. Such as reviews.

I am now pointing not-so-discreetly at the review button. Do so. Now.

**Next time: Fashionista!** (this is subject to change)


	3. Hair stylist

(Sazzy here ;D)

...The delay was all my fault. I swear.

Oh yeah, it's not fashionista. I started writing that, but everyone went OOC. If you're still interested in it (and reading what I can salvage), I'll probably be able to post that next.

H-HOMIGOSH, 5 REVIEWS. WOW. WOOOWWWW. Thanks for the reviews, cookies to you all! *showers cookies everywhere* C:  
(So what if only three of them properly counted? Details, details~)

So, wouldn't it be interesting if Matt was a...

* * *

**03. Hair stylist  
AU, new universe**

_by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

_YOU LOSE._

Matt groaned, falling against the backrest with a noticeable _thwoop_. Running a hand through his hair, he peered at the sidewalk through his fringe. The Nintendo 3DS clattered to the floor.

He sighed. Wammy's House had six of the best hairdressers in the world and they were always booked out to celebrities so they took shifts at the main building. The shift he was taking wasn't even his, since he was only here because Linda had called him to replace B, who was originally set to replacing her but now couldn't.

The chime on the door rang, and he heard heels on the tiled floor.

"Hello, I'm looking for L."

Matt looked up, the voice right above his head. The woman on the other side of the desk was half-Asian, her black hair tied in a low ponytail. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes." She blinked. "Where's Linda? She's the normal receptionist, isn't she?"

"Yup. Cousin's wedding. L's been called out – last-minute appointment by Light Yagami." The stupid movie star was always short-notice, but he paid well.

"I see. Do you have any idea when he'll be back?"

"Nope." Matt fished around the drawers of the desk, taking out a Sony PSP (which he put in his pocket) and reaching for the planner on the side labelled with an elegant 'L'. "I can book you for a later appointment if you'd like. Name and phone number?"

"Naomi Misora," she answered automatically, and Matt recognized her as the only person who seemed to tolerate the strange way L cut people's hair. He could never figure out how the guy could hold the shears with his fingers in reverse and eat cake at the same time. "Is A in?"

"He's tidying up in the back. Sorting out the new shipments we got last time."

"B?"

Oh yes, that bastard. "In police custody. He overdosed on jam last night and did something stupid."

She sighed. "N?"

"Taking his holiday break. There's a toy expo in Japan this week, so he's there." Goddamn it, why wouldn't the stupid thing start up?

"Is there anyone else?"

Matt frowned at the PSP since the reason it wouldn't turn on was that it wasn't charged from his last shift. "Well, there's M, who doesn't cut hair but does a mean dye job, and me."

Naomi rubbed her nose in frustration. "I'll book that appointment."

"Alright," he shrugged nonchalantly, copying her details, writing them on the back of their business card before handing it to her and then turned back to plugging in his PSP. The sound of her heels again only prompted a quick 'ciao' from him, but things quickly became silent once more.

Matt smiled at the blinking light and retreated to his seat so he could play.

Matt cursed as he hit his head on the bottom of the desk when he tried to get back up.

The automatic doors opened, and the soft pitter-pattering of ballet flats sounded out loud.

Suddenly, something yellow hurtled into his face as he was about to sit back down.

"Hello!"

Matt let loose an accidental yelp and fell to the ground at the same time, misjudging the distance to his wheelie chair. Looking up, he scowled, noticing that the flurry belonged to a short, young woman wearing copious amounts of black lace.

"Haa!" she cried, "Are you okay, mister?"

Matt grumbled and ignored her, trying to sit down in the most dignified way he could. When he brushed his jeans down and placed the PSP onto a stack of tax forms he lifted his head. "Do you need something?"

She jumped, but a bright smile stretched out on her face. "Of course! Misa-Misa was just walking by and saw this place was a hair salon, so she wanted her hair cut!"

"I see," he echoed hollowly. "Do you have an appointment?"

Misa faltered. "No..."

"Wammy's House is an organization of extremely talented hair stylists," recited Matt, recalling how he spent five years studying cosmetology in Germany just to be considered. "Therefore, you have to place a booking if you'd like our services, or you have to pay an extra fifty percent."

Misa brightened. "So I can still get my hair cut?"

"Yeah. There're always two stylists on standby, at least." Sometimes there were just stupid celebrities who needed last-minute treatments. "Right now, the only ones available are A and me."

"You're nice, so you can cut it for me!" Obviously, she didn't seem fazed by their extremely steep prices.

Matt shrugged, getting out of the seat and gesturing to the hallway on the side. "Please wait in the first room. I have to find A so the counter is still manned."

She nodded cheerfully, and skipped off to follow his instructions. Travelling to the storeroom, finding A tangled in a mess of cables, he called for him to go to the front. Without waiting for a response, he went to find his customer.

Opening the first door, Matt was quick to spot her inspecting the artwork on the wall, her too-short dress revealing more than it should.

"Sit," he said shortly, shuffling around the room to prepare everything he needed.

Misa did so, peering curiously at him as he opened the blinds. "Why is A called A? Don't they have a name?"

"None that I know of. Other salons use numbers if you want the same person, we use letters," he answered distractedly as he opened doors and drawers, a small memory of M proclaiming that A actually stood for something ridiculous like Alvin. Where did the stupid spray bottle go? "You getting your hair bleached?"

"Nope!" Matt relished the small moment of quiet when she quieted to think, but she piped up again. "Who else works here?"

He skipped past taking the foil in front of him, and found the spray bottle hidden behind it. "B, L, N and M. And our receptionist, Linda. You getting your hair coloured?"

"Nope!" She tilted her head. "Are you friends with them?"

As he filled it at the sink, Matt attempted not to think about the jam-obsessed idiot who would go around proclaiming in a deeply mysterious voice about how he was beyond everyone and then proceed to inhale enough of the sticky stuff to make anyone sick. "Only a work relationship."

"Misa-Misa was thinking," the woman began, placing a finger to her bottom lip. "You work here as well, right? Don't you have a name too?"

He shrugged, dumping the bottle on a nearby table and reaching for the waist pouch hung up on the wall. "It's Matt."

"Wow, that's a pretty name! Why don't you have a letter?"

He shrugged again, clipping the pouch on and running his fingers through the equipment along it. Each digit efficiently inspected the quality and condition of the shears, made sure the clips were in working order and that the combs were tucked neatly in the flap with no chance of falling out. "M was taken, A was taken, and T is a stupid name. Hair treatments, conditioning formulas, anything?"

"Nope!"

Matt swiftly pinned the sheet around her neck and then ran his hands through her surprisingly silky hair to loosen it up. "How'd you like it cut?"

"Misa-Misa would like about two centimetres trimmed off the bottom, okay?"

"Anything else?"

"Nope!"

...

...

All of a sudden, Matt missed his PSP.

* * *

**A/N:**

Probably obvious that it was intended for Naomi only, until it didn't seem long enough so Misa was added in. (And that squinty-Light/L was completely accidental. Seriously...hey, don't look at me like that!)

A needs more love. *pats Crack!BB on the head*

...Review? T_T

**Next time: Voice Actor **(lol let's just hope, shall we? xDD)

_If you've got any suggestions, send 'em in~ owwwwo_


	4. Voice Actor

CC again! Yeah, as you probably could tell, we're alternating xDD

We only got one proper review for the last chapter! T_T I don't know whether that's Saz's horrible writing's fault, or because of the long delay, or people were just lazy xD Either way, here's a fast update in return for the really long one.

(But honestly, if I may say so myself, this is terrible OTL Not enough crack. You can pelt rotten tomatoes at me as long as you review xD

So, guysss, what if Matt was a...

* * *

**04. Voice Actor (Seiyuu)  
AU, New Universe**

_By Crimson Cupcake (The Awesome People of DoomTM)_**  
**

* * *

Matt stared at the piece of paper in front of him.

He stared. And stared. And then read the words twice. And then stared some more.

And finally found his voice. "Wait, guys..." he began, looking up at everyone else's expressions. They all looked plain horrified, shocked, or in denial. Well, except for B, who was cackling a little _too_ joyfully. Oh, and Near didn't look too affected. Misa looked downright pleased, and L seemed as if this happened on a daily occurrence. Okay, so maybe only him, Mello and Light looked horrified.

"Uh, guys..." the redhead repeated unnecessarily, "...do we _really _have to..._sing?_"

"My thoughts exactly!" Mello sprang into action. "Whoever heard of _the_ Mafia's Mello singing? I am NOT singing for myself! Even if a certain _Kira –_" here he stared venomously at Light, who backed away, "—decides to sing to promote himself, I am NOT doing it."

"Mello, singing is an important part of being a voice actor," Near replied monotonously. "According to Wikipedia, voice actors frequently branch out into music, often singing blaa blaa blaaa or character songs."

"So, long story short, you have to do it," B smirked.

"But...but...WHY?" Matt protested, looking to B's brother for help.

L shrugged. "You can sing for yourself, Matt, or you can kill yourself off in the series. Of course, seeing as I am the world's greatest detective L, it is necessary for me to at least entertain my fans somewhat with a song or two or five."

"Excuse _me_, L," Light butted in. "But I believe that _Kira_ is the greatest God of the new world here, so maybe, just maybe, _Kira_ should have more songs!"

"Uh, well, actually," Matt began, hopping onto his laptop (which just happened to be on standby). "It seems that people on this site called '' really seem to hate you, Light."

"What? WHAT? WHYYYY? HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY HATE THE ALMIGHTY KIRA?" Light sobbed into his hands.

"Light! It's because...it's because Misa-Misa went and threatened them with her Death Note!" Misa piped up. "Nobody else can like Misa's Light!"

"But at least I should have some FANS!" Light sniffed. "Not ALL fans want to marry their idols, right?"

Matt shot a furtive glance at L. "Um, uh, actually..."

Near gave a quiet cough. "Back to the situation at hand, please. Is everyone pleased with their lyrics and music? If so, you can learn you lines tonight. For now, we need to go again from the scene where Light's chained to L. Matt!"

"Yessir?"

"You're in charge of the sound effects! And _don't_ make them like last time's! We don't want _piki-piki, pi-ki-ki_s when they're fighting each other, for L's sake!"

"But that was _fun_!" Matt protested.

"Think rationally," Near said quietly. "Think. Thiiinnnnkkkkk, my fellow voice actor. When L kicks Light, would sounds such as 'pi-pi-ki' _really_ be heard?"

"Uhhhh..." Matt went into a great deal of thought. "Well, in my DS game, when people got killed, there was this weird _pow! _Noise. But in the other game, it was like _kachinggg!_ And there was also like..._beep! beep!_ So yeah, I guess so."

Mello slapped him. "Matt!" he snapped. "We want _cool_ sound effects! Like...uh...BANG! Or BOOM! Or...or..."

"Mello," L interrupted calmly. "Those sound effects are only heard when someone shoots a gun. If we're talking about _fighting_ here –"

"Fine, fine, geez!" Mello rolled his eyes, catching sight of Near's smirk. "How's KAPOWIE? Now _that's_ fighting, right? What style are you using anyway? Judo?"

"Capoeira."

"But doesn't that woman do that sport?" B asked. "That...Naomi Misora woman? Man, she was _really_ annoying! You know, in the spin-off novel, she _atta—_"

"No spoilers!" Mello said strictly. "We don't want to ruin it for the poor fans who haven't read the book yet."

"Come to think of it," Matt added, "why are you even _here_, B? You don't even make an appearance!"

"Yeah? Well, why are _you_ here, then?" B shot back, obviously extremely offended. "You don't even appear til _later._ And you don't even get to speak more than two lines!"

Matt glowed red. "Sound effects," he mumbled.

"Oh. Well, then, the hell's Mello in here for? _He's_ only here to take advantage of the free chocolate!"

Mello cocked his gun and bit off a piece of chocolate dramatically. "Shut it."

"Oh _snap_."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, B was booted outside the building. He stood up and swore. "Goddammit, Mihael Keehl. If I had a Death Note, I'd kill you now."

Coincidentally, a black notebook landed on the ground a few metres where he was. B picked it up and inspected it. It said 'Death Note' on the front.

"...It's one of those stupid fan notebooks," he groaned. "They're _everywhere!"_ He tossed it away and caught a taxi. "Geez, forfeiting my precious time to talk to them...and then they kick me out!"

Watching from the Shinigami realm, Ryuk stared at the person who had picked up and thrown the Death Note away. "Aww man," he complained. "And he said 'forfeit' too."

* * *

"Do you really need to go this far? Ryuzaki..."

"I am not doing this because I want to, you know."

_Yessure you aren't,_ Light rolled his eyes, just as Misa said her line. His mind temporarily zoomed out as L and Misa started arguing.

"Huuuhhhh? What's with that? I knew it, you're a pervert!" Misa accused.

"I am _not_!" L replied, annoyed.

"Hey! Wrong line!" Mello said indignantly. "You're supposed to say 'Light, can you please make Misa-san be quiet?' And Misa, put some more effort into your lines! You're supposed to be wayyy in love, not a machine! And honestly, Light, stop thinking perverted thoughts."

It is probably the right time to say that everyone hated Mello right now.

"Hey! Mel!" Matt called from a corner. "Can we just skip to the scene where you die already? I've got some _really_ good music for it! Check it out!"

And he began to play the Barbie song.

Needless to say, everyone covered their ears and ran.

* * *

A few weeks later, Matt tried to sing his song. It turned out something like this:

_And then me and Mello  
And the rest of Wammy's House  
Went on some awesome adventure  
_

_And then blaa blaa I can't remember the rest  
And something about eating chocolate  
And video games__  
And toys and whatever the hell Near eats  
_

_And..._

In the end, they decided to kill Matt off early.

_

* * *

_**A/N: **I know it's horrible! Spare me the sorrow and just review already please? xD

**(Possibly) Next Time: ****Weapons Dealer!**_  
_


	5. Weapons Dealer

Hiya, Saz again :)

So...a super-long chapter. Hm. Thanks for the reviews!

Ehh, I had something witty to say but I forgot...L's voice is awesome in the dub, and I can't stop typing Lind L. Tailor's full name. :V

(By the way: Yuri is the name of the girl who went with Light to Space Land in the anime [I think that was her name - it's Maya in the manga] and a tag question is something like "Shinigami like apples, you know that?". I have to use Yuri because this fits in canon and I can't use anyone due to our no-OC rule.)

**WARNING: Extreme genre change 7_7"**

And then we make Matt a...

* * *

**05. Weapons dealer  
Canon, post-L**

_by Sazzy (The Extremely Super Awesome RandomsTM)_

* * *

Rod Ross wasn't a stupid man. A stupid man would never survive in the American Mafia for as long as he had, since a single mistake could cost their life – or alternatively, a life behind bars. Ross prided himself on his intelligence, his cunning and his resourcefulness, and though his Family weren't the most powerful in their city the amount of territory they owned was still quite daunting.

At that moment, he wasn't exactly pleased. All nine of the other men with him had been taken out by an outsider, the one responsible appearing before him.

The only thing he could do was grip his gun, and use it the way it was designed. To kill.

The first few shots he got out were all that was left of his defence, because in three quick strides the blonde monster had disarmed him, thrown him onto his back and kicked him in the gut so quickly he wasn't even sure what had happened first. He only knew that the throbbing at his stomach pulsed in irregular patterns and that the blonde was looking down at him in contempt, snapping pieces off an expensive-looking slab of chocolate.

_It's Ross, isn't it?_, he had almost snarled, the chocolate in his mouth crushed to pieces as he talked. _Luckily for you, I've been merciful. I'll give you a choice. If you and your men work under me, I won't kill you._

The guy was such a cocky idiot, Ross couldn't help but think, but his mouth already started to speak. _You've been merciful, huh? Who are you and who the heck do you think you are?_

He should have known that his future was sealed when the blonde's stance shifted, teetering dangerously between insane and criminal. He should have known that it was a bad idea, the moment he tried to _move _once he felt the foot shift from his side. He knew, though, that as the teenager – _that fcking teenager_ – delivered the next blow there was no hope but to follow him.

Finally, Ross had no choice but to surrender.

_Th' name's Mello_. The blonde smirked. _So, let's get started, shall we?_

_Yes_, he echoed hollowly, choosing his life over his pride. It was all he could say, but the uneasy rumbling in his stomach foretold of far too many unpleasant events to come.

* * *

_Hey_, Mello remarked, a few weeks since he had forcibly taken over. _I'm going to be needing some firepower. You're Mafia, yeah? D'you have any connections?_

He did. Of course, Ross hadn't told his men that they were no longer serving him but a psychopathic maniac bent on saving the world through the Mafia, and the blonde hadn't seemed to care. As if he knew he was being thought about, Mello just lounged further into his chair and took another block of his always-present chocolate into his mouth. For a moment, Ross wondered if he could survive without any for even a day, but turned back to the question in point. _You're underestimating me, aren't 'cha? Fifty-four Clarentce Avenue, that's the guy. Always smokes, that one, and one of the rare suppliers who aren't chained to an existing Family already._

Unsurprsingly, Mello had raised an eyebrow, gingerly flicking back a section of hair that had somehow ended up in his mouth. _He's safe?_

_The best in the business, by far. Been trusting him for five years 'ready, and he hasn't pulled any tricks. Not once._

His only response had been a dismissive shrug in reply. Rod Ross had been around the man long enough to notice the spark in his eye, however, signalling the both the recollection and the memorization of the conversation between them.

* * *

It hadn't been more than a week later when Mello asked for him to visit the dealer, upon the grounds that he needed someone he knew personally; someone responsible and someone able to defend themselves in case of trouble. It was obvious that the blonde would have preferred the entire conversation to be via phone, but dealers had paranoia to extents beyond imagination.

The police were everywhere, after all. The mere thought of rival Family wiretaps, trackers and hidden cameras should have been enough to deter anyone from even taking up the job.

Fifty-four Clarentce Avenue was a block of apartments slightly off the deceptively innocent red-light district camouflaged in town. It looked the same to him as it always did – modern and stark white, thinner than to be expected but making up for it in both height and depth. To the side there was a small courtyard filled with various shrubs and bushes and even a small area paved with grass, and he spotted some neighbourhood pigeons around the area.

Suite oh-nine was one of the last few, somewhere on the middle of the top-most floor. A quick string of knocks later (–there was no 'secret' knock, of course, the guy was as legit as they came–) and the door opened.

If the dealer was surprised that it was the boss himself paying a visit, he didn't show it. His smoke remained steady, and the eyes behind the goggles remained unwavering. Without any further role to fulfil, Ross had simply called Mello as instructed and the guy in front of him just accepted the phone as if it happened every day.

It probably did.

_Ciao_, the dealer intoned once the line connected, his voice bland. He went to fetch himself something to drink, leaving Ross hoping he didn't look as uncomfortable as he felt.

_You're him?_, Mello asked from the other side, his voice surprisingly clear - though, that may have had to do with how echoing the tiled room was. _What kind of stuff can you get your hands on?_

The dealer didn't blink. _Just about anything you could want, cha?_

From the other side there was a silence, but finally, Mello started to speak again. _Could that be you, Matt?_

The cigarette fell out of the dealer's mouth, and he nearly dropped the phone. _Mells, is that you? What're you doing here?_

Mello then paused, unusual behaviour even for someone as unpredictable as him. He _was killed, _he hesitated, obviously remembering Ross's presence. _The sheep and I weren't going to follow him together. Have you been here the entire time you left?_

_Yeah_, the dealer – Matt – had replied, lighting himself another cigarette to replace his first.

_Why?_

Matt shrugged. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but Ross could have sworn that his eyes had hardened despite the Devil-may-care air around him. _Didn't really have anywhere else to go, and this pays well. You wanted something?_

Another pause. Some shuffling, and then the distinctive crackling of the blonde's chocolate only helped Ross's opinion of the man not being able to survive without any at all._ I'm gonna need about thirteen M4AI fully-automatic carbines, five Heckler/Koch MP7s and about eight pounds or so of military-grade explosive – PE4, I'm looking at, but C4 if you can't._

_Geez, Mells_, Matt had sighed as he recorded everything down. _If you wanted to start a war, you could've just told me so._

The joking was enough to tell Ross that the two knew each other and were friends long enough that they could predict each other's reactions, but the blonde's reply wasn't what he had expected.

_I'm not trying to start a war. I'm trying to end the one Kira started._

From the sheer and utter conviction in that voice, his blood had frozen to ice.

* * *

.

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Part Two

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* * *

Matt had been startled when he talked with Mello again for the first time since he left Wammy's. For him to be working with Rod Ross should have been expected, as the blonde tended to go overboard whenever he decided to do anything. He remembered Ross clearly; as one of his regular customers and the most honest he'd had, never choosing to leave surveillance bugs and tracking devices. Some other customers did that to try and find the place he sourced from, but they were nothing compared to what was used at the orphanage.

A shadow fell over him and he barely glanced up, knowing that it was the bartender.

"Rare seein' ya, Matty-boy," a female voice drawled, surprising him. "What brings you here? Interested in anythin'?"

It took a few milliseconds longer than he would've liked, but Matt looked up to recognise the presence of the bartender's daughter. Her name was Yuri, the eidetic part of his mind brought up unwillingly, but the post-Wammy part dismissed it and focused on the moment rather than finding the truth.

"A shot of tequila, thanks."He lit himself a cigarette, savouring the momentary calm that flowed alongside the nicotine. She shrugged and a moment later both she and the order were sitting on the counter.

"What's up?," Yuri hummed. Matt cocked a silent eyebrow, taking a brief sip of the liquor and easily ignoring the hands playing with his hair.

"Th' cops caught up again,"he commented dismissively, more intent on deciding if drinking the lot and becoming floored was a good idea. With a low tolerance he preferred tea over alcoholic drinks, and once again his eidetic side decided to remind him how bad it had been the first time.

He hated that side. Yes; that _was_ the reason he'd left, after all.

Matt's cell then vibrated, and with ease he brushed her away. He headed for the side door that led to the alley before the gritty end of the red-light district, knowing that it would be empty or only populated with those who didn't care much for him in the first place. Glancing at the Unrecognized ID, he flicked the phone open and placed it to his ear.

Briefly, there was nothing but static.

" 'Nothing is to be preferred before justice,' " the voice quoted, and Matt frowned. Without a doubt, it was Mello.

" 'Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.' "The answer, though correct, was nothing more than mechanical and not spoken with feeling. "What do you want, Mello?"

"Ross is dead," he stated, blunt.

Matt sighed, the information not enough to convince him how urgent the call seemed to be. "And this concerns me? I did business with him, but I've no personal attachment, n'est-ce pas?"

Ignoring the tag question, Mello continued. "The rest of his Family are also dead. Kira killed them."

"Your point?" Tapping his foot on the ground, he mused about the police on his trail. Maybe he could avoid dying or cutting his hair this time, and as to a new home he rather liked the sound of Ireland, and since he already had the connections to set up camp it was probably the nicest choice.

"I need your help."

Matt's eyes had flickered to some strange smudges on the dusty brick wall next to him, but soon narrowed. "What kind?"

The change of tone was enough for Mello to continue. "I need to be bailed out of hospital.

"Bailed out of–one sec, how'd you get in one in the first place?"

"The fake L sent a squad out looking for me. One of them almost got me, but I escaped." He paused. "I'll never figure out how you got that PE4 past Customs and the law."

Matt's mind was reeling. He knew that L was working with the Japanese Police, but having a fake L meant that L was dead. The fake L obviously had enough power that he or she could either send a team to LA or organise one trustworthy enough in a country halfway across the world, so...

He shut himself up before he could think any more. "I've got nothing else to do, so alright – I guess. What happens after that?"

"Then we catch Kira, of course...but first, I think I'll make a small visit to the albino sheep. He has something of mine and I want it back."

If Mello was in front of him, Matt could have sworn he would see nothing but a Cheshire Cat grin.

* * *

"Alright," he murmured, throwing his Gameboy SP to the side and flopping backwards into the sea of blankets. "I think I got it. Distract the Princess's guards, 'zat it?"

Somewhere to the right of him, Mello nodded. "The sheep's a blind moron, and this is the only way L can be avenged."

"Have I mentioned that I don't really care yet?"

"What?"

It was surprisingly easy to ignore the stare that scrolled across his back as he shrugged on his vest, flipping his goggles into place and fetching his gloves from the bedside table. "There's a reason I left Wammy's, yeah? I didn't decide to randomly leave one day – how 'bout I tell you all about it when we get back and finish this?"

_If we get back,_ Mello's glance said, but he pretended to shrug it off. What they were about to do weighed heavily on their minds as they checked and re-checked their rifles. As they left the hotel behind their eyes met for a split second, the same message in both their minds.

_Let's do this._

It was now or never.

* * *

**A/N:**

O-OTL...I have no comment anymore, my wittyness has been sucked away...

I hope Matt/Mello/Ross were enough in character...T_T

**Next Time: Soccer player ("Professional Footballer?" What's the term?)**

Review?


	6. Soccer Player

Once again, CC bringing you the best xDD We apologize for the sudden genre change last time. This time, it's more of a cracky-serious sort of mood. It's a parody of Death Note, see? I also apologize if the rules of soccer aren't really right in here, I don't know how to play xD

In the spirit of the World Cup, we make Matt an...

* * *

**06. Athlete  
**_Alternative Title: Death Note as a football game  
AU_

_by CC (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

The locker room was bursting with anticipation as the eleven players' hearts hammered, sitting there preparing for the match. Their colours of white and blue mixed, with two soccer balls sitting in a corner, untouched. A few hours before they had been frantically training, getting used to the field and their nerves, but now nobody had the heart to touch it.

"Okay, guys." Their last player walked into the room. He was in his mid-twenties, with a white shirt, faded jeans, black hair and dark bags around his eyes. "Are we ready?"

Several people nodded. Nobody dared to open their mouth. One of them was gulping down chocolate like his life depended on it, and the other kept banging his PSP against the wall. A third was knocking his toys against the floor, showing possibly more emotion than he had ever in his lifetime.

"Yeah, we're ready!" Matsuda shot his hand into the air. "We're pumpin'! Don't worry, L, we'll definitely win!"

"We're up against Team Kira," L said seriously, "but it's no big deal. After all, Justice will prevail!"

"Yeah!" The rest of the team cheered.

Matt sneaked quietly over to where Mello was, gulping down chocolate like crazy. The blond suddenly choked, face turning from red to purple, and Matt had to thump him on the back twice. "You ready, Mel?" he asked, when he no longer seemed to be dying.

Mello shot him a confident look. "Heh! Duh, Matty! We'll beat those Kira idiots to a pulp and show 'em who's boss!"

Matt grinned, putting down his PSP for perhaps the first and last time in his life. "To Team Justice!"

The other smirked, snapping off a piece of chocolate.

"To Team Justice!"

-xox-

In the other locker room, the atmosphere was the opposite. Light lounged against the wall, eating a bag of potato chips and looking positively delighted with his life. Their cheerleader, Amane Misa, walked in and spotted him and immediately walked over. "Li-ghto!" she beamed, positively glomping him. "How are you feeling? Is everything okay? Do you need Misa to bring you a notebook?"

Light sneered at the evil thoughts running through his mind. "Everything is planned out, Misa. The referee, Ryuk, has been bribed. We have sabotaged Aiber so he cannot play, and instead his place is filled by an imbecile, Matsuda. Nothing can go wrong."

Misa beamed at him. "What about that guy who was on drugs before? Marsh? Michael? ...Caramel?"

"Mello," Light hissed. "And that _stupid_ Near!" His eyes seemed to turn red for a moment. "Ah well, no problem. If we have Ryuk on our side, we have the game in our hands. Victory will be for Team Kira!"

"TEAM KIRAAAAAAAAA!" Mikami yelled over-enthusiastically.

"Yes," Light cackled. "Now where's Demegawa? We need to start!"

-xox-

The whistle was blown.

The game started.

Immediately, Near passed to Mello, who passed it to Matt, passing it back to Mello, passing it to Matt again, passing it to Matsuda, who let the ball slip away from him. Light dashed up and intercepted the ball, passing it swiftly to Mikami, who was a midfielder. He shot a pass over to Higuichi. Seeing this, L deftly spun the ball from his grasp, passing it to Near, who passed it to Mello.

And so the cycle went on, a full fifteen minutes where both sides were equal, each grasping for the ball and threatening to push forward past the defence lines and to take a shot at the goal. But at the start of the 16th minute, the first chance arrived for Team Justice.

Matt, imagining himself playing this game on his DS, lobbed the ball in Matsuda's direction. Both fullbacks came up to him at once and Matsuda, panicking, kicked the ball pathetically in any direction he could. One of the fullbacks got to it before Mello and shot a wide kick towards the other side of the field.

Mello's eyes widened in anger. "Matsuda, you IDIOT!" he screamed, reaching for his chocolate before he realized chocolate wasn't allowed on the field. "You have a clear chance! It was wide open! And you didn't even _try_ to take the shot! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Calm down, Mello," Near said quietly. "Light's got the ball at our end now. Let's draw back."

Still fuming, they focused their attention to the other end of the pitch. Light had passed to Mikami, and then positioned himself. Mikami relayed the ball back and Light, aiming carefully, sent the ball spinning precariously past the goal-keeper's outstretched fingers and into the net.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

A giant cheer for Team Kira deafened the stadium as Light circled the pitch twice, screaming in triumph. Somewhere within that noise, Misa's annoying voice could be heard above the racket, occasionally drowned out by Takada's hysterical cries. Then, when the hype had calmed down somewhat, they resumed the game.

Matt passed effortlessly to Mello, who evaded two of Kira's midfielders. There were only three more players blocking his path now, and one was coming up quickly. Near, who had made it past them, signalled furiously yet silently to show that he was clear. He saw Mello's eyes widen in understanding, anger, then stubbornness as he ignored Near and aimed a wide kick of the goal, which flew well clear of it.

Silently cursing, Near retreated and prepared to initiate their defensive tactics.

-xox-

The buzzer sounded for half-time.

Both the teams immediately ran to meet their coaches. Watari met his team disapprovingly. "One nil already, and you guys have barely shot at the goal," he reprimanded.

Mello immediately shot up. "It's not my fault!" he protested indignantly. "Matsuda had the _perfect_ chance, but he didn't take it! _That's_ why those Kira brats were able to score!"

"Mello," Near said quietly, pushing down his anger. "To play on a team, you need to cooperate. Back then, I was wide open. Why didn't you pass it?"

Mello mumbled something about not wanting others to steal his glory. Near rolled his eyes.

-xox-

Second half began badly for Team Justice. As L ran past him with the ball, Light inconspicuously stuck out his foot, both tripping L and claiming the ball for himself. The referee, Ryuk, turned a blind eye, despite the protesting fans. Light smirked. Bribing Ryuk sure was worth it.

Then, when L tried to pay Light back for that, by pushing him slightly when Light had control of the ball, Ryuk sounded the whistle and held up a red card. The fans screamed in protest, but Ryuk's judgement was final. Fuming, Mello accompanied L off the pitch.

"That was NOT fair!" Mello snapped, casting furious looks at Ryuk. "Stupid ref is biased!"

L sighed. "It's alright, Mello. I'll bet you Light bribed him. Get back on the pitch."

Mello did so, but reluctantly.

As they started again, Matt took control of the ball. Smirking as he evaded Team Kira, he tossed the ball to Mello. The blond easily manoeuvres around the last few fullbacks and, eyes screwed in concentration, aimed a kick at the goal.

The lucky goalkeeper blocked the shot, but the ball was sent rolling away from him. Seizing the chance, Near aimed and spun the ball neatly into the back of the net.

The cheer which went up was enormous. Every single Team Justice fan was on their feet and screaming encouragement. What with Matsuda's incredibly horrible skills and the bias of the referee, many fans considered this goal a great achievement.

But Team Justice weren't going to settle with a draw. They had to win.

There were five minutes left of the match and both sides were becoming increasingly desperate. Team Kira, who had such a huge lead for the entire match, were playing to their maximum potential. Team Justice, equally determined, removed all forms of defence and focused on attack. Even their goalkeeper, Alternate, came to help.

Matt and Mello were working together flawlessly. Mello twirled the ball past a player and passed to Matt, who held the ball long enough for Mello to get into position. Together they almost made to the other end of the pitch, but Light came towards them.

He quickly captured the ball from Mello's grasp and started back up the pitch. Seeing this, Near took the ball from under him. Both fullbacks came at him, and he passed to Matsuda.

"CRAP!" Mello yelled, sprinting towards Matsuda. "SHOOT, YOU IDIOT! SHOOT!"

Matsuda stared at him, looking around for a moment, and then randomly kicked.

Nobody moved. Nobody even dared to breathe. Every eye was on the ball as it soared past the goalkeeper's outstretched fingers and into the goal.

There was silence.

"!"

The noise would have made an atomic bomb sound insignificant. Every single person – including Team Kira's supporters – was cheering and clapping and blowing their noses and crying and screaming and jumping around and cheering and cheering and cheering and the whole crowd was ablaze with fire.

But Light still had hope. "DON'T BLOW THE WHISTLE!" he screamed at Ryuk, running over. "Ryuk, Ryuk," Light pleaded desperately. "If you don't blow the whistle, I'll pay you a thousand more dollars."

Ryuk took one look at the desperate face and shrugged. "Sorry, Light. No can do."

He blew the whistle.

* * *

Told you it wasn't as serious! xDD Do you like my Death Note similarities? xD Sorry for any...uh, un-soccer-ish words, I fail xD

Review?

~CC

**Next time: Card Dealer (Blackjack)**


	7. Card Dealer

Yo, Saz says hi~ l3

This is...really weird. Oh well, screw consistency x3

Thanks for the reviews, guys! Woot! We're still chugging along...if we break 10 chapters, hooray!

Extremely Basic Information: Blackjack

**1.** Each card is valued as the number written, but face cards (jack, queen, king) are worth 10 points and the Ace can be 1 or 11 (the person can choose).  
**2.** The aim is to get the highest score you can without going over 21. Going over 21 makes you 'bust' and automatically lose. A 21 is called a blackjack.  
**3**. Each person starts with two cards, and get more if they ask. In here they're playing a face-up game, which means that everyone's cards are face-up (so everyone can see each other's cards). The dealer has one face-up and facedown.  
**4.** A 'soft' total is an Ace worth 11 + other cards, aka it can change because the value of the Ace can change. A 'hard' total is when nothing can change, e.g. Ace + 3 + 9, if the Ace was worth 11 than the person would automatically bust and lose the round.  
**5.** When everyone gets the amount of cards they want, the dealer flips over their facedown and proceeds to deal cards for themselves until they reach 17 or higher.  
**6.** The person with the highest score wins.

If any of that's wrong, I apologise. That's all that's you need for the chapter, I hope my explaining skills are okay.

Matt, deal the cards...

**

* * *

**

**07. Card Dealer (Blackjack)  
[AU, new universe]**

_by Sazerac (The Awesomely Awesome PeopleTM)_

~ooo~

It was a typical night. Matt gathered the cards on the table from the last game, and the people around the table murmured amongst themselves before placing their bets. He had already earned approximately six hundred dollars for the casino in his current shift, and his replacement was set to arrive in twenty minutes.

Matt was having a great day.

A sudden clinking sounded out to his right, and he looked up to see the blonde sliding a large stack of chips into the rectangle denoting his bet. Matt's hands faltered; it was one hundred dollars – for each chip. Either the guy was extremely stupid, or he knew he was going to win.

Finally, four bets were placed before he started the round. One belonged to a sleazy man in a suit, one from a pretty-boy with a blonde handing off his arm, another from a white-haired kid with a stare that could cut through steel and the last being from the leather-wearing blonde.

Aware that the game could make or break his shift, Matt dealt the cards – two for each player to begin with, and one face-up and facedown for himself.

_5 – Jack,_ went to the sleazy man.

_3 – 3, _went to the couple.

_Ace – 9,_ went to the white-haired kid.

_8 – 4,_ went to the blonde.

There was a small pause and he noticed a crowd starting to form. Of course; the blonde's bet was unusual, especially at a table playing Blackjack. He eyed his face-up 7, the red diamonds taunting him with the knowledge that he could undo all the winnings he had gained.

Each of them gestured for another card and Matt complied. The cards he dealt didn't relieve him of the feeling, not even when the King of Clubs caused the sleazy man to shoot over 21 and lose his bet.

He skimmed over the cards again. The couple also received a face card, bringing their total to 16, and the white-haired kid's 5 meant that his soft 19 became a hard 15. On the other hand, the blonde's new 2 kept him safe at a count of 14.

Each of them gestured for a card.

9 to the couple, sending them bust.

5 to the kid, bringing him to 20.

And unbelievably, a 7 of Hearts to the blonde, his total now 21.

Blackjack. The crowd held their breath, waiting for Matt's own result.

Matt flipped his facedown, revealing a 9. Adding that to his existing 7 meant that the dealer's total was 16. As it was below 17, he prepared himself to draw again. He needed exactly 5 to match the blonde's blackjack and prevent himself from losing; any more and he would bust, any less and he would have to pay up 3-to-2.

The tension heightened.

He dealt the card.

As he started spinning the card over, black spades assaulted his vision and the arrangement looked as if it was exactly what he needed: a 5. Briefly, he celebrated his victory but it was quickly shot down as the face came into the light.

3.

It wasn't a 5. It was a 3.

The crowd cheered, and Matt's spirits crashed as he counted the chips for the blonde's return. For some reason they all liked the idea of winning against the House, but Matt's pay was potentially at stake.

As the throng dissipated, the four original players were still at the table. Their earlier game didn't seem to faze them – in fact, he could almost say that they were even more determined now that they realized the possibilities of earning as much as the blonde did.

Speaking of which...

"Sir, your ID please," Matt ordered, holding out his hand.

The blonde glared at him through his fringe. "You don't need it. Don't you guys have a privacy policy in this shitty place?"

Suspicious. Very, very suspicious.

Mhm.

"It's within my powers to request the ID from someone who I think is cheating."

"Cheating? What the fu –"

The white-haired kid turned his gaze toward the blonde, twirling part of his hair. "Don't deny it. You've been counting these cards the whole time to give yourself the best chance of success."

"Now that you mention it," the pretty-boy murmured thoughtfully and his girlfriend wrapped her arms tighter when he shifted, "his mouth has been moving, but I never thought much about it."

"What the fu –"

The sleazy man slammed his palm on the table. "Damn you! You made me lose all that money and you're now earning it!" He spun towards Matt. "Kick him out!"

He chose not to mention the fact that it was impossible for anyone to tamper with the cards and the fact that card counting worked on narrowing down chances. "It's not actually illegal to count cards; the best we can do is set someone behind him and record his ID so we can ban him from entering next time."

"Fine," the sleazy man conceded, a snarl still on his face.

Matt shrugged, calling for Gevanni to keep watch over the blonde. Once everything had been sorted out, he gathered the cards and resumed play. After all, there were still only sixteen minutes until his shift was over.

He could wait.

~ooo~

Eleven rounds later and it quickly became clear that the blonde's playing skills were plummeting. He lost each of them by a pathetic margin, sometimes refusing cards when he obviously could have taken more and the other times busting; once he even reached the score of 30. Despite the losses, the bets he made were low and Matt was unable to earn back everything he lost.

The rest of the table wasn't left unaffected. The sleazy man had long since left in frustration had his spot taken by a nerdy scholar whose movements were all mechanical and precise, and the pretty-boy had somehow shaken off his girlfriend, playing with a renewed frenzy. Most surprisingly, the white-haired kid had done nothing but improve from the clumsy play he started out with. He had won ten of the eleven, even achieving blackjack on four. He seemed to have figured out the intricate strategies of blackjack on his own.

Matt dealt himself his last card and sighed. His 18 versus the white-haired's 20 meant that he had to pay up again, and the kid's bet had been increasing. Really; his replacement should have been here already.

"Matt!" The voice of his replacement called, almost as if he had been summoned. Dressed in the uniform waistcoat and bowtie, Mido ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry I'm late – traffic problem."

Shrugging, Matt placed the cards back into the shoe and stepped out so that Mido could take his place. However, he didn't expect the other man's eyes fixated at the table, never moving.

He finally spoke, his voice sounding far too controlled. "How long have they been there?"

Matt blinked. "Who?"

"The blonde and the one with white hair. How long have they been there?"

"Fifty, I'd say."

If Mido reacted to the statement, he didn't show it. "How much money have you lost since they've arrived?"

"That doesn't matter," Matt cut in. "It's not related to the conversation. I'd like to leave now; thanks."

"What if I said that those two were M and N?"

Matt froze.

M and N were members from the Letters, a group that targeted casinos around the globe, raking in billions of dollars each year. The two of them worked in blackjack; M was a professional at counting cards and would act as the distraction, and there were rumours that N's shuffle tracking abilities let him know each and every card in the deck, and in which order.

Shit.

It had seemed so natural, he never considered the actions to be associated with M and N's _modus operandi_.

He was so screwed.

"So," the white-haired one spoke up, "now that you've found us, what will you do?"

Out of the corner of his eye, the pretty-boy's demeanour suddenly changed. From when a moment ago it was casual and nonchalant, it now resonated nothing but sheer amounts of determination. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a police badge – _his_ police badge. "You're under arrest!"

"Che," the blonde scoffed, talking around a large piece of chocolate. "You've got some gall to think you can pull this off, you know?"

"If I have gall, what you've got is beyond that," he spat, pressing the clasp of his belt. At once, about thirty people rose to action in the now-silent casino, brandishing handguns with the same look on their faces.

M and N weren't daunted by the police's actions, leisurely stowing away their belongings with the same indifferent look on their faces. Slowly, they raised their hands into the air.

And the next thing he saw was darkness. The sound of screeching and shattering glass was the very next thing he noticed, and then he almost collapsed from the sudden absence of the support he leant on.

Almost instantly, the lights flickered back on. It was slow, but was enough to show him that nothing had been broken at all, and was also enough for him to see the conspicuous absence of two extremely important people and the extremely frustrated group of officers left behind.

And as far as he was aware, from that point on, Matt never saw them again.

* * *

**A/N:**

Hm. I never expected it to end that way, but oh well.

If you're wondering, L handles the poker side of things and B was the one who broke them out xD

**Next time: Teacher C':**

**Review?**


	8. Teacher

Once again, CC brings you her awesome cracktastic stories. This is my favourite so far, so hopefully reader's will think the same and _review_. -hint hint-

Oh, bear with inconsistencies/stuff I wrote wrong/whatever xD

Without further ado, what if Matt was a...

* * *

**08. Teacher**  
**AU - severe age difference**

_By Crimson Cupcake (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

Matt stared, exasperated, at the sight before him. A classroom filled with little kids. Kindergartens, to be exact, starting their first day of school. And he was supposed to remember 20 of their names—or maybe it was 30—perhaps 25—oh he didn't care.

Just the look of them made him shiver. Especially that blond one in the corner playing with his rosary and biting a bar of chocolate. There was a sinister glint in his eye that Matt just didn't like. And the other kid in the other corner—the albino one playing with those toys—he just looked miserable and all too much like an abused kid.

Matt sighed. Back to business.

"Alright, little bra—kids! I want you all to make a big circle and introduce yourselves!" he tried calling in what he hoped was a nice and friendly manner. In case one couldn't realize by now, Matt hated kids. When he signed up for this job, he had expected a bunch of maybe 4th graders, playing handball or whatever was in fashion. He had not expected himself to be babysitting a bunch of children!

He was in the prime of his life, after all. Eighteen going on to nineteen. Certainly way too young to be a teacher, and certainly way too young to waste his life doing this. But while Quillish Wammy, the principal, had refused at first due to his age, he later realized that there really was something special about the redhead.

When he noticed nobody seemed to be listening to him, Matt tried again, yelling slightly louder over the din. "Excuse me, kids! Make a circle please!"

Some of the students actually listened, and sat themselves around in an oval which looked more like a cluster of stars than a circle. The two kids in the corner, Matt noticed, came reluctantly, with both still hanging on to their items.

"So, everyone!" He winced at the forced happiness in his own voice. "Welcome to your first day of school at Wammy's House! I'm sure you'll have a fun time here! My name is Matt, and you can call me Mr. Matt, okay?"

A kid put up his hand.

Matt took one look at the kid and grimaced. As expected; it was the blond kid. "'scuse me," he said pointedly, "but aren't we supposed to call you by your surname? Matt's your first name, isn't it?"

Stupid geeky know-it-all. Matt sighed. "Fine. You have a point. Call me Mr. Jeevas then."

Another kid spoke without even bothering to raise his hand. It was the albino kid. Sometimes Matt wished his predictions weren't so spot-on. "Why wouldn't you want us to call you by your surname, _Mr. Jeevas_," he asked quietly. "Are you ashamed of your name or are you one of those adults who had always considered a name change but never actually had the guts to do it?"

Matt grimaced again. This kid was talking way too fluently, too fast and too sophisticated for a kindergartener. _And_ he was insulting him. Damn brat. "How old are you? Uh...you know what, never mind. Let's just introduce ourselves. Starting with you." He pointed to a random girl.

"My name is Linda!" she said brightly. "I loooove drawing! One day, I'd like to draw the face of the Greatest Detective in the whole wide world!" she beamed, as if expecting a round of applause from the rest of the class.

"Uh, yeah." Matt forced a smile, and didn't bother pointing out that right now there were currently _two_ greatest detectives in the whole world. "So, next!"

The next boy had dark-brown hair which might pass for black, and eyes which almost looked red in the light. He grinned mischievously. "My name is Beyond. I like jam."

Matt waited for him to continue, but he said nothing further. Shrugging, he moved on to someone who might pass for Beyond's twin (and probably _was_ Beyond's twin).

"I am L. Justice will prevail. Please bring me cake. That is all."

The redhead stared. This class was full of weirdos. He sighed as it was the blond troublemaker's turn. "And you?"

"Name's Mihael Keehl. But nobody calls me _Mi-harlllll_," the blond screeched. "Everyone knows me by Mello."

"Mello," Matt nodded sagely, stroking his goggles. "I see. Next."

The albino kid looked up. "Near," he said, voice barely audible.

Matt frowned. "Near? Near what? What are you near? Your doom? Why are you saying the word 'near'? Do you have an ulterior motive? Are you trying to distract me while stealing my PSP? Or are you saying my PSP is near? Because it isn't, I swear! Don't come near my PSP! Or my DS! Especially not my Xbox! Why is near so important? Is it your time of the month?"

Silence. Then...

"...My name is Near."

"Oh. Okay." He had just majorly embarrassed himself. Again. Luckily it was in front of a class of weirdo kids who didn't really get it anyway. Or so he hoped. "Oops. Sorry."

"You're welcome," the kid who was apparently called Near (Matt didn't believe that for a second!) answered. In fact, it wasn't even an answer. Who would say 'you're welcome' to a phrase like 'sorry'?

"Uh, next, then!" Matt said, attempting to recover.

A young auburn-haired boy was sitting completely straight, a lofty look in his eyes and a posture which showed supreme power. He'd probably later go on to become class captain. "My name is Light Yagami. My dad is in the police force, so don't mess with me. He will come and give you heart attacks and mutilate your body and pluck out your eyes and EAT YOUR POTATO CHIPS! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Will he eat my sweets too?" L whimpered.

"YES, HE WILL! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

L began crying. Beyond, however, looked pretty interested in all this talk of mutilation. Matt only looked thoroughly creeped out that a child so young could emit such...evil...vibes. "Uh. Yeah. Anyway."

Eager to escape, Matt reluctantly went through the rest of the class. When he was finally done, he decided to lead them out for a game of dodgeball. Better to have the kids kill themselves than for him to be found guilty of their murders.

He chose Near and Mello to be the team leaders, just because he didn't want two stupid brats on the same team. Near was given a chance to choose first. He chose L. Mello chose Beyond. Near chose Linda. And so the cycle continued. In the end, nobody wanted Light, but because Mello's team had one less person, they had to take him.

Then the game started.

There was only one ball. Mello seized it and threw it with otherworldly strength towards Near, who simply sidestepped. L picked it up and threw it at Beyond. His twin reluctantly retreat—no, he advanced in another direction, screaming "I WILL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS, L!" Light, still cackling triumphantly, picked up the ball and threw it successfully at L.

"OUT!"

L sulked as he walked out of the area. They continued playing until only Mello, Near and Light were left on, which didn't take too much time at all, considering their ferocious throws. Near managed to get Mello out, so now there was only Light left.

Matt waited in bated breath, silently cheering for...himself.

Because honestly, who cared about these kids? Mello was out anyway.

Long story short, Near won. _Yay_, Matt sighed, leading the kids back inside. It had barely been half a day, and he was already annoyed beyond measure.

He needed a smoke.

* * *

Admit it. It was awesome.

Review, people! xD

**Next time: Fanboy! (But not just any fanboy...APPLE FANBOY! **

_[Saz: I really have to stop endorsing things]_**  
**


	9. Fanboy

Yes, I know. WHAT HAVE I DONE? xD

...I confess. I've been using this story to experiment writing styles. Ehe.

Thanks for the reviews, guys! Much loved, very, very much so.

Without further ado, let's go and make Matt a...

**

* * *

**

**09. Fanboy (Apple)  
****[AU, new universe]**

_by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

_

* * *

_

Matt flexed his fingers, watching his absolutely perfect and completely spotless Apple iMac launch. In exactly five-point-zero-zero-nine seconds it finally did, a record that his beautiful machine never ceased to fulfill.

With a few clicks of his brand new Apple Magic Mouse - careful not to stain it or get any fingerprints at all onto it; no, that wouldn't do - he opened up a new window of Apple Safari, careful to remember praising it for its godliness and efficiency.

Oh, how he loved his Apple.

When the webpage finally loaded, he noticed he was automatically signed in and smiled happily at his machine - no, that was far too harsh for his baby...it was his one true love. Expertly manoeuvring the Apple Magic Mouse to the link he needed, the barest press was enough for the page to load.

Really, there was no reason for him to keep going back to the forums, but he wanted, no, needed to know the response that ChocolateGates_75 to his. The bloody git was his sworn enemy over the internet, and shunned everything Matt had ever known, had ever believed in. He (or she) did not care for his feelings, but only for their own.

They were part of the enemy.

They were a _Microsoftie_.

Matt almost clenched his fists but quickly stopped himself before he could, lest his Apple Magic Mouse be crushed to bits. That ChocolateGates_75...they would _pay_.

* * *

**ChocolateGates_75 **_says at_ 10:48:32 PM:

What the **** do you think you're talking about? Windows 7 is a piece of ******* ****? I'll have you know, Windows 7 is more than you can ever hope to be! It is more than enough to overshadow the **** that is the ******* Ice Cheetah! What kind of ******* name is that anyway?

* * *

Matt snarled. How dare they; how _dare_ they insult the Apple Macintosh OS X v10.6 Snow Leopard, and compare its godliness to the scrappy code that was Windows 7! He would show them!

* * *

**MacMastaMatt **_says at_ 11:21:09 PM:

The Apple Macintosh OS X v10.6 Snow Leopard will always be superior to that piece of junk! Windows 7 was nothing but an even dodgier remake of the extremely dodgy Vista! Microsoft did nothing but fall backwards when they made that successor to XP; hell, Apple Macintosh System Software 1.0 was better!

**ChocolateGates_75** _says at_ 11:30:27 PM:

What the **** - you're saying that the ******* **** from 1984 is better than Windows 7? You're a ******* ********.

**ModeratorAlwaysNear** _says at_ 11:31:08 PM:

Once again, though we have filters set in place we do not encourage swearing. That language is unnecessary.

* * *

Matt sighed. Their squabbles were always disrupted and deteriorate into mindless blubber. Of course, all that mindless blubber was on the side of ChocolateGates_75 and their utterly ridiculous notion that Microsoft was God, not his.

An Apple-worshiper would be disciplined enough to _never_ sink to that level.

* * *

**MacMastaMatt** _says at _11:32:07 PM:

ChocolateGates_75: Glad to see my sentiment is shared. Also, I notice you didn't deny anything.

And hello to you, ModeratorNear :) How's it been?

**ModeratorAlwaysNear** _says_ at 11:35:58 PM:

MacMastaMatt: Dull.

**ChocolateGates_75** _says_ at 11:35:59 PM:

Hey! Have you been ignoring me?

**MacMastaMatt** _says_ at 11:40:44 PM:

ModeratorNear: Haha, hasn't the Almighty Admin been around? That way you could do something else like fix the weak code around the email section.

ChocolateGates_75: Of course, because you can't seem to comprehend the godliness of the Apple.

**ModeratorAlwaysNear** _says_ at 11:42:47 PM:

MacMasterMatt: I'll inform L about that, thank you for bringing it to my attention.

**ChocolateGates_75** _says_ at 11:43:04 PM:

Hey! Stop ignoring me!

* * *

The real Matt shrugged at the response and went to get ready for bed. Though he didn't want to leave the side of his beloved iMac, he needed to ensure that the rest of his neglected Apple products were charged and ready for the next day.

After showering, he returned to his computer to check for any new messages; there was no point in turning his lovely iMac off if he was still going to be awake for ten more minutes. Finding only one reply, he finally did so and went to sleep.

* * *

It felt like he had just fallen asleep when he woke to the alarm ringing on his iPhone, the sun's rays forcing him to get up and out to work. Matt wasn't the type to slam on his alarms (good for him, because otherwise he'd never see the beautiful machine again), so he gently turned it off.

An hour later found him tugging his shirt on and spooning his breakfast into his mouth faster than should have been humanly possible all because he spent far too long apologising to his MacBook and asking for forgiveness. It was all the fault of his tripping and the extension cord for smashing it into pieces.

He made a mental note to give it a proper burial once he arrived back home.

Once he arrived at work (in the hundred thousand dollar car that was further customised so that it looked like an Apple product) his day hadn't been any better. For some reason the boss' bananas had all disappeared and because Matt had been there he endured ear-piercing screams for being at the 'scene of the crime'. His four-eyed co-worker had stolen all the paper from his printer again and he had to scour the entire floor until he found some more, and there was also that girl who just_ wouldn't_ stop flirting with him.

When he finally managed to take a break, he forewent eating and pulled out his iPad, still sore about the loss of his work computer. Swiftly yet delicately, he logged onto the forum.

* * *

**LawmightyLawliet** _says_ at 12:00:01 AM:

MacMastaMatt: I do not approve of you running rampant on our servers, though that problem should now be repaired.

**LinuxAndBeyond.B** _says_ at 03:13:13 AM:

You two are _so_ stupid. Linux is the best, of course~! Far better than _stupid_ Windows or Macintosh, you stupid people :D

* * *

Matt scowled, and his fingers flew in a typed reply.

* * *

**ChocolateGates_75** _says_ at 01:34:03 PM:

Linux Freak: Shut the **** up. We have our own opinions so ******* respect that, ********.

**MacMastaMatt** _says_ at 01:34:04 PM:

LinuxAndBeyond.B: Dream on. If you think that's true, you're an insane knobhead.

And the last part? I resent that.

* * *

Now that that was settled, he finally set to eating his lunch and made plans to visit the Apple Store.

It was nice to know that ChocolateGates_75 had defended him; albeit accidentally.

* * *

**Epilogue:**

**SparklyLight-KiraKira** _says_ at 04:25:36 PM:

I can't believe they actually agreed on something.

**LawmightyLawliet** _says_ at 04:43:17 PM:

I have to agree. May I please change my name back now?

* * *

**A/N: **This chapter was so random.

I just want to make a few things clear now I'm done. A) Apple fanboys aren't actually like that. This was an exaggeration and I made Matt rabid (oh noes). B) Microsofties are actually people who work at Microsoft; they're really nice people :D

The 75 from ChocolateGates_75 comes from the year Microsoft was created, 1975. Uh...In terms of operating systems, B's right that Linux is the best (*agrees*), but the two of them were actually arguing about the companies as they are. If arguing about companies, I side with Apple.

...Yes, I really should stop endorsing things. Ciao~

Saz

* * *

**Review?**


	10. Death Note Holder

**A/N:** I thought to grace you with the presence of another chapter 8D This is CC once more. -bows- (I'm trying to practice Middle Earth-ian, but I fear these smilies are not what they use.)

Thank you everyone for the reviews, especially **DNfoeva **(all the way in Chapter 5)**, Sonar, Nabi** and **Escaping Dreams **for suggestions which I assure you we will use, just not today. A very VERY big thank you to **scrambled-eggs-at-midnight **(Eggy, right?) for reviewing every chapter and sticking with us! Ten chapters, guys! Be proud! xDD

This chapter is more of my normal style of crack. I hope you enjoy. -bows again-

_In the Universe of Death Note, Matt is a..._

* * *

**10. Death Note Holder  
[Original DN Universe**. **Timeline: Matt is 13. Directly after A's suicide and B's disappearance]**

_By Crimson Cupcake (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

Matt was a normal person.

Well, he wasn't _really_ a normal person. But he liked to consider himself normal, yes. Why would he not be, you ask? It's because he just happened to be an orphaned genius who goes to the orphanage of Wammy's House which, if an outsider asks, is actually a prodigious private school full of rich, snobby, smart kids and costs more than a billion dollars each year to go to.

But in actual fact...it was an orphanage full of the world's most brilliant orphans which would one day replace the Greatest Detective in the world, L. But you already knew that.

Now here's what you didn't know.

It begins with the story of A's death and B's disappearance. The two of the earliest orphans shared a room, of course, and considering they had almost both vanished simultaneously, _someone_ needed to clean their rooms out for other orphans to use, although why anyone would want to sleep in a room formerly occupied by insane and suicidal kids was past him.

As such, being Matt, and having rotten luck, he was the one in charge of cleaning the rooms.

And while he did, he found something very very interesting.

It was a black notebook. Not any black notebook. It had the words 'Death Note' written on it in quite a horrible handwriting. And, when he touched it...

"WOOOOAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Matt yelped, jumping backwards and dropping the notebook in the process. Luckily nobody was around the dormitories at the moment, all being in lessons (he was exempted). He adjusted his goggles, blinked a few times, and stared at the decidedly ugly thing which had just jumped out of his Final Fantasy game. "What the _hell_ are you, man?" he gasped. "Are you related to Chaos?"

The Shinigami looked down boredly at him. "What's a chayohs?"

Matt's mouth dropped open. "You don't know—he's like—oh, never mind," he gave up. "Who are you? You're not some weird lurker or boggart, are you?"

The _thing_ in front of him looked insulted. "_I_," it said, drawing itself up to its full height, which was admittedly slightly intimidating, "am a Shinigami," it finished.

"A shini-wha-mi?" Matt asked.

"Shi! Ni! Ga! Mi!" the thing announced, obviously not very pleased. This was not how it had pictured first meeting it's human. "My name is Kuyr."

"What's a Shinillama?" Matt asked himself, just noticing that he had dropped whatever the black notebook was. He picked it up again, ignoring the furious stare from the Shinipoo at his slaughtering of the Japanese language. "Do you know what this might be, in any case?" he asked, waving the black notebook in front of the Shinithingy.

"A Death Note," the Shinimabob—Matt had long stopped trying to guess it's species, and so settled with Kuyr—said proudly. Matt also noted that the name Kuyr was male, so decided to stop insulting it—um, him even further by calling him an 'it'. "It's mine, of course, but now that you've found it, it's yours, I suppose. Or something along those lines."

"Hmm." Matt picked it up, surveying it from all sides, sniffed it up a bit, twirled it around, ripped a few pages out of it, and finally stepped on it. "So, like, what does it do?"

"It kills people," Kuyr said simply.

"WOAH!" Matt gasped. "It kills people? Like, _anyone_? So I can kill Maleficent and Voldemort and Edward Cullen! Whoever the last guy is. Mel seems to hate him."

Kuyr looked stumped. "You need a name, actually—," he began.

"I _have_ names!" Matt said, gesturing wildly.

"...You also need a face," Kuyr tried.

Matt shrugged. "Well, I know what the majority of people look like...except that Edward guy. I'll check on him or something. So how do you kill with this, erm, Death Book?"

"_Note_," Kuyr hissed, getting seriously annoyed now. Of all the humans who could've picked up his notebook, it had to be this annoying redhead. "But to answer your question, you simply write a name in it, and in forty seconds the person in question, provided you have their face in your mind, will die. HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"So it can read my mind?" Matt muttered to himself, already writing down his 7th name. On the Death Note already were Maleficent, Voldemort, Bella Swan—"I _do_ know what she looks like," Matt interjected—Deathwing, Galbatorix, Pinocchio and Mario.

Kuyr hastily snatched the notebook from him before he could do any further damage. "WHAT ARE THESE NAMES?" he screeched. "YOU CAN'T KILL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WITH THIS NOTEBOOK! YOU CAN ONLY KILL PEOPLE LIKE BILL GATES AND LADY GAGA! I strongly recommend the latter, may I mention."

"Who's Lady Gaga?" Matt stared. "Now, if you were talking about Rob Pardo, _that _I could understand."

At this point, Kuyr bashed himself into the wall. He was never dropping his Death Note again. In fact, he might even get his brother Ryuk to drop _his_, just so _he_ could get tortured. But to go back to the Shinigami realms, he would have to rid himself of this boy...

"Listen, kiddo," Kuyr tried patiently, "this killing people is hard work. You have to deal with blood, sweat, tears and pancakes, or whatever humans say. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to get caught with this thing. So why don't you just give it back to me and—"

"And you'll bring me back a Death Book which kills fictional characters!" Matt finished excitedly, eyes positively shining. "I love it! We have a deal, Kuyr!"

Kuyr had another urge to bash himself against the wall, but resisted. Here was his only chance of freedom...he had to take it... "Alright," he found himself agreeing. "Just repeat after me. I forfeit my Death Note."

"I-forfeit-my-Death-Note," Matt said quickly.

Immediately, Kuyr vanished before his eyes.

"YESSSSSSSSSS!" Kuyr screamed as soon as it was rid of the little kid. "I AM FREE!" he announced to the world, not that there was anyone to hear. "AHAHAHAHA, TAKE THAT, YOU LITTLE BRAT, TAKE THAT!" And with that, he flew off to the Shinigami Realm.

Ryuk, watching from said realm, laughed.

* * *

**A/N:** Quite pleased with the way that one turned out, considering I wrote it in 15 minutes...somewhat literally. Oh, I don't know whether Shinigami have brothers, but I don't really care. And in case anyone didn't notice, Kuyr is Ryuk backwards (although that was probably too obvious) because I couldn't think of a name.

**Next time: Shinigami! (Death Note style)**

**-DRUMROLLLLLLLL-**

YES! Hello everybody! CC and Sazzy are here to present our first ever contest! Uh, this is pretty much because we've got to the 10th chapter and wanted to do something exciting, and we desperately need a new, un-boring avatar.

So what is this contest, you ask? It's quite simple! See the avatar on our profile? Yeah, well, it's getting really old, so we want you to...

Suggest us a new avatar! Display picture, whatever.

Now, seeing as we had no idea what to put, we want YOU! (Yes, YOU!) to do it! You don't need to make one, but simply suggest us ideas! You can enter until chapter 15, approximately two weeks from now! Each person can enter up to 5 times!

And the prize? Um...well, it's not really much apart from getting a _giant thank you and special mentions_. And anything else we can think of. Our next contest will actually have a prize, so we hope you stick with us until then!

CC, Saz.


	11. Death Note Shinigami

Ehe, late, sorry ^^;  
(Well, I kinda lost my _second_ usb stick and this completed chapter and had to rewrite it, so I'll make this quick...)

Much thanks to Mirus Infidus, XxX-Curly-Wurly-XxX and scrambled-eggs-at-midnight for the reviews! (And Curly, I _love_ that idea - Aussieland's in an election right now, so the suggestion couldn't have come at a better time! Thanks for the suggestion, Eggy! :D)

Let's make Matt a...!

* * *

**11. Shinigami (Death Note style)  
[Ch.10 universe, Post-Kira]**

_by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

_

* * *

_

The first thing he saw when he woke up was the sky. It wasn't a normal sky, it was black and gloomy with what looked like mammoth bones all over the place, and skulls and dust. Matt crawled up on his new claws and looked around. It was like...what was it? He couldn't remember.

A...something came towards him...something familiar...

"Eh? Why are you here?"

Matt stared. "What the hell are you? Anyway, I should be asking you!"

The creature threw his head back to the sky and let out an enormous sigh. "Of course, you forfeited. Do you remember how you died?"

Matt thought back. Screeching, gunshots, light, chocolate...wait, wait...

"I was shot?" he answered, but it sounded more like a question.

The creature facepalmed. "Right, you're losing memories already. Listen closely," he said slowly, as if Matt was incompetent, "I am a _shinigami_. _You_ are a shinigami."

Matt blinked. "But shinigami are Japanese. I'm not Japanese...eh, was I?"

The creature-shinigami shook its head dismissively. "Everyone knows Japan is in the centre of the universe, that's why we're shinigami and not Grim Reapers. Now, come with me."

It flew off, and Matt scrambled to follow him. Tripping over his tail a few times, they eventually made it to another area that looked exactly the same as the first.

Matt blinked a bit more. "Isn't this place the same as the other one?"

"Well...yeah. But there was a spider next to you." It shuddered. "I hate spiders."

"Right. So, mister _shinigami_, where do I go?"

The shinigami shrugged. "I dunno. You can go wherever you like." It peered at him closely. "Still, I can't believe that you were sent here even though you only wrote the names of fictional characters in the Death Note."

...Death Note...hang on, that was kind of familiar...

"Kira!" Matt exclaimed, nodding fervently. "That's right, Kira used a Death Note that belonged to a shinigami–"

It rolled its eyes. "That Ryuk, hogging all the spotlight again."

"—so that means I have one of those Death Notes too, don't I?" he finished, patting himself down in search of it before finding the telltale book attached to his back.

"...Yes?"

Matt already had it open and somehow found a pen/writing instrument thing on the ground. "_Sweet!_ Now I can finally kill Maleficent and Voldemort and Edward Culle–"

"NO! YOU CAN'T KILL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WITH THE NOTEBOOK!"

...

"Hey, why do I feel a sense of déjà vu?"

The shinigami's face blanked out. "No reason...?"

"Oh, okay. I think I kind of remember you but really not really...uh, what's your name?"

"...It's Kuyr."

Matt grinned. "Hi, Kuyr! My name's Matt, I don't think we've met before."

Kuyr somehow felt an urge to bash himself against something again, but there wasn't anything to smash his head into where they were at. Valiantly, he tried to use the breathing exercises Nu taught him to try and calm down.

...breathe in...

"This place is kinda dull, don'cha think?"

...breathe in...

"Hey, I'm kinda hungry..."

...breathe ou—

"Is there even anyone else here, Clarke-whatever-your-name-was?"

...

"YES, THERE IS. IF I TAKE YOU TO THEM, WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"Okay!"

* * *

"Yo!" Ryuk called, waving an apple around happily to get Kuyr's attention, an unusually wide smile on his face.

Kuyr, ignored him, too busy staring in shock. "What is that?" He pointed to the stereo sound system. "And that?" He jabbed a finger at the giant, five-storey tall banana cake that was being inhaled by Midora. "WHAT IS THIS?"

He closed his eyes when one of the coloured lights shone in his face, and reeled sideways at the pressure on his head. With a glare on his face, he crushed the glittery party hat and quickly found the one responsible for the mess before heading in his direction.

Matt was completely oblivious to the impending disaster, busy inhaling the helium and showing the crowd of shinigami around him how much fun it was rather than inflating the masses of balloons around him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Oh Kuyr! Just in time – we needed someone to play 'Pin the bow on the shinigami' with!"

All words flew out of Kuyr's mouth as he spotted the extremely frilly and bright neon pink polka-dotted bow coming in his direction, and he ran.

**

* * *

A/N:**

And Kuyr made his comeback. Gotta love him. C:

Eh, you notice how it says "Death Note Style"? What's your opinion if we branched out?

Ciao~

- Saz


	12. Beekeeper

**A/N:** First of all, CC is so so SO sorry for the late chapter! This week was like the worst since our 3-tests-in-a-row last year! Oh gosh, we are so sorry, but the time has now passed and we will continue to update as of normal.

Don't forget, guys, our competition thingy's still up! xD I'm really really pressed for time, so thank you to everyone for reviews and suggestions! Unfortunately I can't list anyone (no time!) but we will do it in the next chapter.

Matt may one day be a...

* * *

**12. Beekeeper **_(suggested by Nabi)  
_**AU, New Universe**

_By Crimson Cupcake (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_**  
**

* * *

People who went to Wammy's High were rather strange. Apart from their completely otherworldly intelligence, they also enjoyed eating an odd number and combination of bizarre delicacies. Matt, of course, was one exception.

He _loved_ honey.

Okay, maybe that was a little weird. But still, it was a fact. And because Matt loved honey, he loved bees.

Which is why he was a hobby beekeeper.

"Hey, it's just for fun!" Matt would protest when asked about it from a particular journalist by the name of Ryuk. But it was still a fact that he _loved_ bees.

One day, the same journalist came to his house for an interview. First, Matt led him around the house three times before trusting him enough to show him his beloved bees.

He pointed to one of them.

"See! This is Mello!" Matt said enthusiastically, adjusting his goggles and grinning broadly at the bee. Said bee looked exactly the same as every other one.

Ryuk squited at Mello. "So, uh..." he began.

But Matt was far more enthusiastic than to talk about it for just one moment. "And this is Near!" he smiled, pointing to what looked like an albino bee. Ryuk highly doubted that was possible. Matt continued, "He just came in a few days ago, yousee, so he's still kinda shy, but I'm sure 'e'll warm up to ya."

By this point, Ryuk the journalist was looking slightly freaked out at the strange looks this 'Near' was giving him, so he chose to back away. Matt, on the other hand, took no notice.

"Oh, and here's L! That would be L, not Ell, certainly not Elle, because L's a guy, and Elle is just...what is Elle?" Unfortunately for Ryuk, Matt chose this moment to look around and spotted him. "Hey! Ryuk! Don't think it's over already! You haven't seen Light yet!"

"Yes I have!" poor Ryuk protested. "Light is shining into my eyes right now!"

"What, where?"

Matt looked around. When he saw no trace of his beloved bee, he laughed. "Ohh! You mean light, not Light! No, no, c'mere, I'll show you Light!"

Now, in any other circumstances, Ryuk would be eager to shift around and discover more about Matt and maybe find some money and—HE'S NOT STEALING! Or so he claims. Anyway, that would be in any other circumstances. But that bee Near was seriously giving him some shifty looks, and Mello looked no better, and Matt was way enthusiastic anyway, so he decided to go have a look at this Light.

Wait, when did he decide that?

Ryuk gave up on the subject and followed the redhead.

It turned out that Light was a rather interesting bee. Of course, he didn't look anything in the ordinary, but he had an air that made Ryuk like him instantly. "Kukuku," the journalist from the Shinigami organization chuckled.

"Hmm? Whazzat? Yalike?" Matt asked, turning away from his conversation with Mello for a moment, though how anyone could possibly talk with a bee was beyond Ryuk. Only sparing a second, Matt went back to the conversation. "So, Mello, how have you been today?"

There were a few seconds where Ryuk waited for the response, only hearing the buzzing of the bee.

"Oh, really? Chocolate, you say?" Matt asked, evidently very interested. Pulling a DS out of his pocket and placing it on a nearby counter, he extracted some chocolate from his other one and gave it to the poor bee. "Anything else? Having fun with Near? WHAT? What do you mean you don't like Near? Come on, he's a cute little bee! How's L? You think you can fly faster than him yet?"

The bee which was Mello became tired of it all and buzzed back to join the other bees, while another one flew over. Ryuk was completely sure it was different. Completely. But Matt continued his conversation as usual. "No? Aww, I hope you have better luck next time. What? More chocolate? It'll make you fat, Mels!"

Ryuk decided to interrupt. "Um, how do you know that's Mello and not actually...Marsh?"

"Oh!" Matt grinned. "Well, it's obvious, really. See the little brown spot on his left antennae?" Ryuk squinted. He squinted and squinted but couldn't see anything at all. "Yeah? Well that's Mello's signature scar."

"I can't see it..." Ryuk muttered to himself.

Matt either didn't hear him or pretended to ignore him and went right back to the conversation with Mello. "Now _really_, Mello, you _have_ to work on your flying skills! Even Near can fly faster tha—okay I won't talk about that! But honestly!"

Ryuk looked around furtively and picked up the hive with Light inside. He began to take a step backwards. And another. And when Matt didn't seem to notice, he turned tail and ran out of the house, over the hills and far away to the Shinigami organization.

And Matt never saw him again.

Matt _did_ notice that, a few years later, there was news about a bee called Light and a bee called Misa and they seemed to have started their own colony.

* * *

**A/N: **A bit short, but I'm really really pressed for time right now xD I'll cya round!

Oh, and please review!

[Saz here, 'cause CC's left. Fixed a bit to make it clearer, x3

**Next time: **President...! (suggested by Curly x3)]


	13. President

Saz here. Not got much time, so posting this whilst I can ;)

Thanks for the reviews, guys! =D (Can you believe we're up to chapter 13? :O)

**OHMYGOSH**, I forgot to mention (cue extremely suspenseful and epic music here); CC won the Under 18's Fanfiction Competition at Sydney Manga and Anime Show [SMASH] 2010 with her story, Eternal Night! (You can find it on her profile which is conveniently linked from ours, nudgenudge Cx)

Matt will probably explode the world if he's a...

* * *

**13. President (suggested by Curly)  
[AU, new universe]**

_by Sazerac (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

"_They refused?"_

Matt slammed his hand onto the table dramatically, crushing the papers in his hands and gave his secretary a glare. "I'm the President! And with my Presidentially-Awesome Super Special Powers, this Bill will be passed!"

"The Congress will never accept it, sir," his secretary, Near, remarked, unfazed. "Your Party certainly didn't. Also, that's your phone bill. It's due next week."

Matt grumbled and picked up the stack of papers he had nearby, squinting at the small letters that embodied his brilliant idea in print. How dare they refuse the brilliant scheme he had for the country! He spent forever and ever and _ever_ working on it, and yet they _rejected_ it? He would show them!

Slowly, he grinned.

* * *

"Sir, why do I get a bad feeling about this?"

"Don't worry, it's perfectly fine. Now get me that phone."

* * *

"Can I—"

"Hey-_ey_, Matty! You lookin' for Mel?"

"...Linda? Can you get him on the line?"

"I'm already here—stop giggling, you stupid moron...yes you are, no, I won't..."

"How've you been, Mello?"

"Same old, same old. You want something?"

"I'd like to ask you a favour."

"...I hope it involves chocolate _this_ time."

* * *

"Good morning?"

"Get the director on the line. I...have an appointment. Tell him I know about _Fluffy_."

"Y-yes, sir! _Light-o~!_"

...

"Who is this? H-How do you know about Fluffy?"

"Oh, I _know_ about Fluffy, Director. Fuzzy, and panda-eyed. Now if you don't want the paparazzi to find out, you'd better comply with my demands."

"...Only if it's not morally wrong."

"Oh-ho, no; don't worry about that. First you have to get me ten pounds of chocolate, and then you have to agree with a pretty nice deal..."

* * *

_Slam_.

"I now present to you, my brilliant and super, _super_ awesome proposition regarding the country."

"..."

_Swoosh_.

"Here it is! This is the Bill that can change the entire world as we know it! I propose to inject twenty six point one million dollars into funding research of erasing the barrier between the Living World and the dimensions of the video games!"

"..."

_Sweep_.

"Can you imagine it? Someday we might all be teaching swordplay and fighting off Espers, or directing our little ten-year-olds to become the greatest Pokemon Champion!"

"..."

_Stare_.

"So, are you in, or _are you in?_"

* * *

"...I can't believe it worked. Sir."

"Yeah, I know right? Mello's the best Don in the business!"

"..."

"Aren't I just amazing? You know you just love me, don't you? Soon, we'll all have fun!"

"...sir, I think that's quite a breach of conduct..."

"Eh? No, no; the proposal, you wrong-minded albino. Anyway, lighten up, yeah? I'm definitely taking you to that new theme park soon, and don't you regret it; we'll go on the tallest, the most extreme rollercoaster there is, 'Death God'!"

"..."

"..."

"...I'm...looking forward to it."

_Actually...no._

**

* * *

**

A/N:

For some reason, the Documents Manager really hates IE7/8. I think it's 8. Shall fix formatting later, I s'pose.

(Did you catch that? 26.1 million; 26 100 000; 26 10 0000 ~ o 3 od [lol does it even make sense? nay.])


	14. Stunt Double

Disclaimer: We own Harry Potter not.

This is CC! Thanks you guys so much for the reviews and messages ^^ Oh, and guys, I don't know if you noticed it or not, but we had a small competition back in Chapter 10. I suggest you all get your entries (or such) in right now because it's the last chapter you'll be able to do so xD I'll remind you at the bottom as well.

This one started pretty badly but ended alright, I think xD MxM fans, if you squint, you might be able to see some pairing O.o (Squint only! Don't worry, non-yaoi fans ^^)

Could Matt possibly be a...

* * *

**14. Stunt Double** [Suggested by _Sonar_]  
_AU - Our Universe_

_By Crimson Cupcake (The Awesome Cool PeopleTM)_

* * *

Not many people know that the Harry Potter films you know today weren't the first Harry Potter films ever made. The first attempt (quite poorly done) was by a director named L. Harry Potter was played by a boy named A. Why didn't they keep the original movie? I think you'll see at the end of this.

And Matt? Why, he's a stunt double, of course!

It was now that Matt really wanted to say that he hated his life.

It had been a horrible day today. He did extremely badly on a test in school, tripped over a billion times on his way here, got mugged of his PSP and his girlfriend dumped him. And now this.

I mean, he knew Harry Potter did some really dangerous stuff, and often jumped off cliffs or something because he was an idiot, but _really_, to call him here three times in a row this week was really getting annoying. Nonetheless, he straightened his shirt, adjusted his goggles, threw his cigarette in the bin and entered the building.

He made his way to the set. It was on the third level and most of the actors were already there. The director, L, greeted him.

"Matt! Just the person I wanted to see! Right now, Harry's got to fall from a thousand feet off his broomstick because the Dementors just showed up. We'll be hanging you from an invisible wire, and we'll slowly lower you down and then speed the film up to pretend that you're flying. So you'll have to do it in slow motion, kay?"

Matt stared. And stared.

And stared some more.

And then stared again.

"That rope is ridiculous." Matt deadpanned.

L stepped back into his chair, and crouched down, blinking up with his innocent eyes. "Is it?" he asked, eyeing the multi-coloured candy rope which looked flimsy, flexible and _edible_. "It's made out of jelly snakes, you know? I designed it myself."

Matt gaped.

-xox-

He didn't know how on earth L forced him into this.

Wait, yes he did.

First L hired Near to try and scare him into it. Near crouched there for half an hour doing nothing but playing with toys and asking 'want to go yet?' every few seconds. This was a definite test of endurance! Therefore, Matt took out his _spare_ PSP (which he always kept in his pocket) and simply started playing. Being paid to play games is good for you.

After L realized that wouldn't work, he tried to get Watari to bribe him with candy. Matt said he would rather have video games, and Watari read out an extremely old list – some included things such as ping pong, Pac-man and two-man tennis. Needless to say, Matt declined.

At this point, if L had any eyebrows, they would be knitted together. He decided to hire Light. The brunette walked in and did some weird twirly dance with some black notebook that Matt thought was probably bad to meddle with and would give you a million years of bad luck if you even touched it. Therefore he simply hid in a corner.

L, growing impatient and desperate now, hired the famous model Amane Misa to seduce him. Now, this _could_ possibly have worked if Misa hadn't walked in on Light coming out, clung to him, and proclaimed him her new boyfriend.

Oh snap.

One would almost feel sorry for L if they didn't know Matt's position.

But in the end, L called up his last and most desperate shot: Mello.

Now _everyone_ – and I mean absolutely everyone – knew Mihael 'Mello' Keehl: bad boy, gangster, star student, millionaire, lotto winner, rumoured mafia connections (but never proven) and perhaps the most famous of all – leather pants. So when Matt heard that L was calling Mello over, he paled.

And requested to go to the bathroom.

Which of course L refused.

Which lead to Matt fidgeting and complaining and adjusting his goggles and fingering his spare PSP while they waited for the sound of Mello's chocolate-coloured Porsche. At long last it turned up, by which time Matt had stopped being nervous and started feeling hungry, for it was past dinnertime and his stomach was growling.

And then the door opened.

Intimidating aura, shaggy blond hair, dark sunglasses, leather jacket and pants, baggy chains, kickass boots, block of chocolate – yep, it was Mello in a nutshell. Matt gulped.

"L!" Mello burst out. "You call me here while I'm selling dru—I mean, while I was out with friends. Why? What do you want?"

L grinned pleasantly. "Well, you see, Matt here doesn't really want to fall from a thousand feet—"

"Who would?" Mello interrupted.

"Oh, no. He's not _really_ falling from a thousand feet," L interjected, "we're suspending him from a rope and dangling him down." He held up the jelly snakes rope.

Mello took one look at the rope and his eyes lit up from behind his sunglasses. "Done deal!" he proclaimed. "All I need is a thousand blocks of _Lindt_ chocolate. Delivered here. Pronto."

L nodded. At that exact time, Watari walked in with a box which read 'a thousand blocks of chocolate'. True to his word, there _were_ a thousand blocks of _Lindt_ chocolate in there. Mello's mouth watered. So did Matt's.

"You got yourself a deal," said Mello hungrily, eyeing the bars. "What's your name?" he asked Matt.

Matt wondered for a moment whether he should introduce himself formally, informally, or just not say anything at all. He hesitated for a moment. "It's Matt."

"Hmm. Matt." Mello was silent for a moment, before he suddenly raised his gun. Now, Matt really had no idea where he had got the gun from (probably from his mafia friends) but he was willing to bet his spare PSP it was real. Mello let all the bullets slide out except one, and Matt paled even further.

He knew what that meant – Russian Roulette.

"You'll be playing Russian Roulette, Matty," Mello said, confirming his suspicions, "if you don't do whatever the heck L wants you to. You know, in my last few experiences, the guys who played this game with my gun all died. And seeing as there isn't really any other gun you can use, you'll have to use mine. Of course, there's the brighter alternative to do as L says. Your pick, really." He shrugged.

Matt paled so much he resembled a ghost. "I'll...just do what L says," he said hastily.

Which is why he found himself stuck in this situation – with a jelly snake rope tied loosely around his waist. He was certain that the rope would be caught on camera and it would look completely unrealistic, and a billion other even worse things, but hey, he wasn't director. Not yet, at least.

"Take one!"

Mello slowly began lowering Matt down. Feeling the rope slip from his waist, the redhead screamed and flailed around.

"CUT!" yelled Light, who had stayed there so that Misa wouldn't stalk him back home. "Slow motion, Matt! No squealing!"

"I wasn't—" Matt began, but caught a Death Glare from Mello and fell silent. "Fine. Take two."

"Take Two!"

As he felt himself lowered down again, Matt had the sudden urge to take a bite out of the rope. He resisted as much as he could, but then was just dangling uselessly in the air.

"Now fall in slow motion!" L called to him.

Matt tried. Or at least, he managed to wave his arms around in the air and change his expression into one of terror. But then suddenly he felt the rope slipping, and the knot untied his waist loosened.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he plunged towards the set.

Seeing this, the awesome Mello spoke quickly into his iPhone and two of his mafia cohorts burst into the room, managing to catch Matt before he met his untimely end. This all happened in the space of a heartbeat while Matt was falling. Hey, Mello isn't a prodigy for nothing!

While Light breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to be blamed for Matt's murder, L quickly sneaked onto the set and ate the extremely long jelly snake before going to see Matt.

"I caught it on camera!" he said excitedly. "That was brilliant, Matt! Absolutely brilliant acting! And Mello, I think we should do a James Bond movie instead."

Mello rolled his eyes, and then shook his head.

"Nah, let's do a Death Note one."

* * *

**A/N:** And that, my friends, loyal readers and reviewers, is why they never published the first Harry Potter movie ever made. Hmm. Well.

Thanks so much for the reviews from _Curly, Eggy _and _Pkmn master13_ for the reviews!

And don't forget, guys! Contest in chapter 10! I'll see you next next chapter, so review ^^

~CC


	15. Hacker

Hi guys. This is CC.

I'm really really sorry if you thought this was an update, but bear with me, okay? It's not my fault, everything goes to Saz. See, it was her idea to start this, but then half-way through she decides to abandon it without telling anyone (not even me D: ) So yeah, we can't continue this anymore because she's not cooperating. .She won't even write a bye-bye authors note. x.x

Anyway, yeah. We'll be ending. Sorry to all our wonderful reviewers, watchers, alerts, favourites and anyone who stumbles or ever will stumble upon this fic.

**However!** CC has decided to restart this fic in January 2011. (This is because she is way too busy right now) This means that she will be continuing this on her own fanfiction account (Crimson Cupcake). You can visit it from our profile (clickable link) or you can follow this link: fanfiction. net/~crimsoncupcake [remove spaces]. I may or may not be posting the chapters we've already posted, but look for more in January!

Anyway...as a sort of ending...

* * *

**What if Matt was a...hacker?**

_By Matt_

It was a nice sunny day. The birds were chirping, the chocolate was on sale, the local park had a fair. It was very obvious to Matt what he should do today: why, stay inside and hack computers, of course! With a wicked grin on his face, Matt pulled down his goggles, pushed Mello out the door to buy more chocolate and sat down at his laptop.

"Right right right..." muttered Matt, fingers typing so fast that they were a blur to any security cameras. After typing in his 329-character password with approximately 57 numbers and 23 underscores (approximately because Matt had never told anybody and cameras had never caught it on camera), he quickly went on his favourite site of all time: .

After frantically closing several MxM lemons ("What is _with_ fangirls these days?") and rolling his eyes disgustedly at some MelloxNear ("I mean seriously, Mello hates his guts!"), he refused to even go near the LxL ("Does that mean a yaoi pairing appears every time a policeman handcuffs a prisoner?"). Finally, he found a semi-decent fic that didn't have any ridiculous pairings.

"What if Matt was a...Hmm...interesting..." Clicking on the link, he read the whole story in record time before staring at the 'review' button. He quickly pondered. "Should I? No...I don't think so...it logs my IP...but it's not a bad fic...no no, I can't be traced...but...I want them to make me cooler...how do I do that without reviewing...?"

And suddenly, he had it! One idea to rule them all!

Using some unbelievably fast method of hacking, he tore his way through _The Awesome Cool PeopleTM_'s firewall and quickly hacked into one of their computers. "Now to make them upload something epic cool..."

Utterly ignoring the Author's Notes up the top of the word document, Matt typed a brilliant short story about how he was a brilliant hacker and pressed publish. And he also added a request for reviews down the bottom, seeing as a lot of people did that.

And now he waited for the reviews to come flooding in.

* * *

Hey guys! It'd be nice if you reviewed! I was supposed to ask for them...right? Pity this story's ending, but there's still more. Go back and read the long AN or something.

Love you, my fangirls!

-Matt


End file.
